My Thoughts for today
Will there be a day in our futures when we will be treated with dignity and respect?
At the present moment, I really don’t have an answer.
Living with an odor condition has not been easy. 16 years of living with one has been a life-changing experience.
Many questions have come to mind over the years.
What did I do to deserve such a mark on my life?
Am I a bad person?
Is there a God? I mean, really why would He allow this if He is a good and loving God?
Was I a bad person in a previous life? And now, am I being punished?
For years I lived a life of a hermit, afraid of the way people would treat me if I stepped outside of my front door.
In the past 5 to 6 years, I decided to live life again.
Ignoring people’s comments and reactions, and pretending to be normal seemed to work for me.
I mean, I threw all caution to the wind and started really living.
In the last few months ignoring reactions have become difficult for some reason.
When dealing with educators at my children’s high school, I have to be stand- offish at times. I don’t want my boys mistreated because of my condition.
My whole life is complicated.
I’m a coward…afraid to do certain things that I want to do or that I need to do in life.
Why can’t I continue to be strong and act like I’m normal?
I don’t have an answer.
I’m tired lately…so very tired.
I’m like the woman with the scarlet letter. Everyone knows, and even if I don’t smell at the moment…. I’m marked for life.
Clinical depression sometimes takes over, and yes I have thoughts of suicide.
Although I really don’t want to die, sometimes I think it would be easier.
Turmoil comes into my mind at times.
No, I’m not going to kill myself. I will never do that!
Everyone has a purpose. I must have a purpose…but what is it???
Tomorrow is another day. I will be fine. No, I AM FINE…. as always.
So we ate breakfast at a restaurant this morning before leaving on our trip. As I walked up to the counter to place my order, I got the “Hey, that’s her” and then the rub of the nose and pinching the nose.
A few minutes later as we were seated, I see one of the waitresses go outside and walk around to the window we were facing and she stood there staring at me. I stared her down. Then I winked at her…She rolled her eyes and pinched her nose. Then she started wiping down the window.
Yes, I think the “Sonya” will be OK.
I got the celebrity treatment!
Who wants my autograph?
P.S. No matter how many times you get knocked down, you just have to keep getting back up. God knows our struggles and he can see our determination and perseverance. Keep pushing and praying and when you have done everything that you can do, He will step in and do the things that you cannot do. He will put people, things, and situations in your life to help you along, and that will be His way of letting you know that you are not alone
Yeah, God told me this while I am sitting on my front porch this morning. I’m listening to the birds.
Thought I would share.
By Sonya McClinton