A TMAU Sufferer’s Personal Message

sea_heart_nature_landscape_flowers_love_romance_54126_300x188

My Thoughts for today

Will there be a day in our futures when we will be treated with dignity and respect?
At the present moment, I really don’t have an answer.
Living with an odor condition has not been easy. 16 years of living with one has been a life-changing experience.
Many questions have come to mind over the years.
Why me?
What did I do to deserve such a mark on my life?
Am I a bad person?
Is there a God?  I mean, really why would He allow this if He is a good and loving God?
Was I a bad person in a previous life? And now, am I being punished?
For years I lived a life of a hermit, afraid of the way people would treat me if I stepped outside of my front door.
In the past 5 to 6 years, I decided to live life again.
Ignoring people’s comments and reactions, and pretending to be normal seemed to work for me.
I mean, I threw all caution to the wind and started really living.
In the last few months ignoring reactions have become difficult for some reason.
When dealing with educators at my children’s high school, I have to be stand- offish at times. I don’t want my boys mistreated because of my condition.
My whole life is complicated.
I’m a coward…afraid to do certain things that I want to do or that I need to do in life.
Why can’t I continue to be strong and act like I’m normal?
I don’t have an answer.
I’m tired lately…so very tired.
I’m like the woman with the Scarlett letter. Everyone knows, and even if I don’t smell at the moment…. I’m marked for life.
Clinical depression sometimes takes over, and yes I have thoughts of suicide.
Although I really don’t want to die, sometimes I think it would be easier.
Turmoil comes into my mind at times.
No, I’m not going to kill myself. I will never do that!
Everyone has a purpose. I must have a purpose…but what is it???
Tomorrow is another day. I will be fine. No, I AM FINE…. as always.
“I’M FINE!”
So we ate breakfast at a restaurant this morning before leaving on our trip. As I walked up to the counter to place my order, I got the “Hey, that’s her” and then the rub of the nose and pinching the nose.
A few minutes later as we were seated, I see one of the wiatresses go outside and walk around to the window we were facing and she stood there staring at me. I stared her down. Then I winked at her…She rolled her eyes and pinched her nose. Then she started wiping down the window.
Yes, I think the “Sonya” will be ok.
Hahahaha
I got the celebrity treatment!
Who wants my autograph?
Sonya

2 thoughts on “A TMAU Sufferer’s Personal Message”

  1. Sonya,
    I commend your spirit. I was at the grocery store today, and a little boy yells out, ” Mommy, I smell stink”. As usual I didn’t look around, but then again, I didn’t have too. I knew who he was talking about. After his out burst it became very quiet. I just kept on shopping, but was very aware of myself from then on. I feel you on every word you typed. We are in this together. I have already made up my mind that if I am healed of this dreadful condition, I will remain supportive. Stay encouraging.
    Renee

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*